It’s a Sunday afternoon, in the early months of spring. My kids are gone, my phone is silenced, and my home is quiet; a rare moment, indeed.

I am lounging in my bedroom. The window is open letting the natural light in. Aware of my surroundings, I see pale pink flowers blooming in the camellia tree outside my window. I hear the sweet songs of birds and echoes of children playing in the distance. The subtle scents of lavender and vanilla fill my room, and the aftertaste of raspberry jam from the toast I ate for brunch, still lingers in my mouth. My pup is snuggled close by my side. I can feel his soft fur, the warmth of the sunlight, and the coolness of fresh air touching my skin. My senses are alive and open. It feels like a dream; and yet, it is real.

With nature as my guide, my children as my teachers, and my work as a compass, a culmination of heartwarming moments brings me here… being in this moment, doing what I love.

Let’s begin with a story…

Once upon a time there was a young girl who lived with her mother in a charming cottage inside an enchanting village. Surrounded by lush green plants, dreamy floating clouds, and flowers of all kinds. The girl was curious and imaginative; a daydreamer at heart. Life was simple for this girl. She had shelter, food, and space to explore. She took pleasure in being outdoors wandering around her whimsical village, bathing her golden skin in the sunlight, and stopping to smell roses all along her way. All the while, collecting a pocketful of ladybugs, chasing butterflies and humming along with the honeybees. Delighted as can be… living in the land of dreams. 

Meanwhile, her mother was at home… working. Life was not so simple for this mother. Her own hopes and dreams felt long lost, leaving a void in her devoted heart. And yet, she had so much to live for. Sometimes, she would watch her daughter from afar and reminisce to days long ago, when she too felt free. Wishing she could escape her duty driven life; yet, constantly reminded of all that was hers to carry. After all, there were cobwebs to be swept, taxes to be paid, and townsfolk to report to. Responsible as can be… living in the land of reality. 

One spring morning, the girl had a spontaneous idea. “Momma, let’s plant a garden together!” Her mother thought this was a wonderful idea. Times had been tough, and they might need to live off the land. “We will start by planting potatoes,” the mother said, “For they are a necessity in life and will provide us sustenance and nourishment.” Right away, she began by making a list of all the things they would need. Oh, but the girl had another idea, “Momma, I want to plant pink roses!” she proclaimed. The mother knew that planting roses was not practical. Brushing the idea aside, she gathered her tools and began preparing to plant potatoes. This made the daughter feel sad. But the mother was so busy planning and preparing, she didn’t notice her daughter’s sadness.

Soon, the girl imagined herself a bird, flying far, far away into a nearby forest full of trees.

All the while, the mother began digging up trenches, fertilizing the soil and planting a plethora of potatoes. Tirelessly, she worked. Until proudly, she stood back to look at her work. But, alas… something was missing! All of a sudden, she felt a cool rush of air sweep across her fair skin. She realized that her daughter was gone. The wind began to pick up, and like a flash of lightning, she dashed off into the forest. Running briskly, she called out to her daughter… but there was no answer, except for the rustling of the trees. Dusk drew near, and a full moon began to make it’s appearance in the pale blue sky.

As she ran deeper into the woods, she could hear the faint calls of hungry wolves and wild foxes howling in the distance. A surge of fear rushed through her bones. She ran even faster, but eventually she grew exhausted. For a brief moment, she stopped to catch her breath. Kneeling down in a patch of grass, she placed her hands gently on her chest. Sensing the drumming beat of her heart, she closed her wet eyes and took a few slow, steady breaths. In that moment, she heard a quiet voice…”for what is a garden without flowers?”

A spark of light shot through her veins as she realized the error of her ways. Simultaneously, a feeling of hope blossomed into her heart. Soon, the wind began to settle into a mellow breeze, and the howls in the distance were replaced by crickets chirping and an owl hooting.

The sky was growing darker, but the moon was getting brighter. Countless stars began to glitter and glow in the dark night sky, lighting a narrow pathway ahead. She followed the path until deeper in the woods, she heard the voice of her daughter singing a familiar lullaby. She drew closer and saw her sweet child, singing and dancing in the light of the moon. Scooping her up in her arms, she whispered, “My precious one… I am sorry, I was wrong. Our garden needs more.” The child kissed her mother’s cheek, jumped out of her arms, and twirled around in circles as the breeze danced through her golden curls.

The mother said a silent prayer of gratitude. Hand in hand, with the moon and the stars lighting the way, they walked home. The mother tucked her child into bed, gave her a kiss on the nose and wished her sweet dreams. Then, she went to her bedroom and began to make a list of all the things they would need.

For tomorrow, they would plant pink roses.

First, there is the mother. Caring, hard working and devoted… She is the essence of doing. She understands the complexities of life and sees through the lens of reality and survival. Grounded in her values and driven by the responsibilities she bears, she embodies discipline. Her potatoes represent practicality, humility and survival; allowing her to feel a sense of purpose and connection to her roots, her ancestors and Mother Earth.

Next, there is the daughter. Carefree, fun loving and imaginative… She is the essence of being. She enjoys the simple pleasures of life, seeing through the lens of magic and wonder. Inspired by her imagination and the beauty around her, she embodies presence. Her pink roses symbolize femininity, beauty, and joy; allowing her to feel a sense of connectedness to her hopes, her dreams, and Mother Nature.

In modern culture, many of us are very good at the doing. We operate with a set of expectations, plans and goals. These beliefs and methods can help us navigate our way through life, allowing us to become responsible members of society. However, they can also be limiting.

Expectations are important in setting ourselves up for success. Typically, though, they are external, arising from something or someone outside of us. They stem from belief systems, cultural influences and societal norms. Usually, they are handed down to us from other adults, such as our parents and other authority figures. When our expectations are met, we feel a sense of accomplishment. When unmet, we feel disappointment.

Plans are also useful and provide us with a sense of safety and direction. Can you imagine creating a garden without a plan? Well, maybe you can, but I can’t. If we fixate on our plans, we leave no room for flexibility or spontaneity. Or, we can find ourselves living out someone else’s plan.

Goals are action-driven and can help us stay focused and on track. They give us something to work towards. However, they have a known endpoint in mind. When we reach our goals, we feel proud! When we don’t, we oftentimes feel let down.

Expectations, plans and goals can be very useful in our every day lives. However, they also take us out of the present moment and into a future outcome or destination. They keep us looking ahead instead of being in the now.

Mindfulness teaches us another way, It begins with intentionality. Unlike expectations, which are derived in the mind, intentions are born from the heart. When we cultivate an intention, we are planting a seed deep within our heart. We water and nourish this seed by aligning our actions and choices with our intentions. This allows us to live a more heart-centered, intuitive life. We feel a deep sense of purpose and meaning, and we are motivated to work towards the dreams in our hearts. We can turn to God, Universal Source, Divine Inspiration or whatever name we want to call it, for guidance and help along our way. As we do the work, enjoy the process, and trust in life… our dreams can become our reality, in ways we could never imagine.

This way of living has less to do with the destination and everything to do with the discovered moments along the way. Moments of being.

When we were children, being was innate. Yet, many of us have lost touch with this part of ourselves, because we live in a culture where we are praised for our works. So, we get caught up in the act of doing, or at least seeming like we’re doing, rather than the experience of being.

What does it mean to experience being?

Being happens in moments, such as when a song fills our soul or a beautiful sunset puts us in a state of awe. Or when we hear the birds song in the cedar trees. Or see a whale rise to the surface of the ocean. Being happens when we connect with another human at a soul-to soul level, or witness a garden come to life. These are the moments that make life worth living.

Being requires us to be present, not just with the good experiences, but also the difficult ones. Rather than running, numbing, or avoiding what is difficult, we learn to sit with our discomfort. One way we do this through inquiry. We can become curious about challenging emotions or difficult thoughts. When anger, sadness, hopelessness, and fear crash down like a waterfall, or when the winds of the mind rush in and howl in our ears, we can use our breath as an anchor to feel through it all, processing it. Soon, the storms within us subside and space opens for other emotions. We feel joy, love, happiness, and perhaps even a sense of bliss. And our lives begin to take on new quality.

Culture teaches us how to DO. BEING cannot be taught; it can only be experienced. Perhaps, the key to living a deeply fulfilling life is to cultivate a sense of both.

The essence of my teachings is to ‘TO BE.’ My intention is to create a space where everyone can come and find themselves, where the heavy loads of expectations and goals can be lifted, where silence exists and everything else fades. It is possible to stay relaxed in tense situations. It is possible to keep the inner center still while there is chaos around. It is possible to BE when there is pressure to BECOME.

Agota Sesztak (Psychologist & yoga therapist)

I have a particular group of recovery clients I meet with weekly to practice deep relaxation. We meet in a cemented room, and we often deal with a plethora of distractions. My clients have been getting such value from our time together. Oftentimes, they come into our room early to clean and set up for our practice. Vacuuming, turning on the heat, accumulating blankets and pillows, and sometimes even placing flowers or objects in the center of our circle. Creating a space in which they can more fully experience the benefits of iRest. This a time for them to let go and simply be.

One morning recently, as I led the group through the practice, I observed quiet stillness expanding throughout the room. I was filled with love and respect for these people, many of whom have experienced trauma; all of whom are working through various mental and physical health issues and recovering from addictive behavior patterns.

At the end of the practice, we gathered in a share circle. Several clients shared their unique experiences. Finally, one young man, who has a rather introverted demeanor, spoke up, saying, “In the beginning of our practice today, I was having intense cravings. However, for the first time, there was a calmness I felt with the intensity. I wanted to leave, but instead, I stayed with the experience… and eventually, the intensity went away.” Continuing on, he said, “I became totally aware of my body, my breath and the emotions that were coming and going. At some point, I drifted off to another place, having vivid dreams. I can’t explain it… but this was the first time I can remember having this experience being sober.”

It took my breath away. I was reminded why I do this work.

I have worked with hundreds of clients in the addiction recovery space, and this experience is not rare. My clients are discovering how the unique tools of yoga therapy help to heal trauma, work through addition, and improve sleep, focus, memory and overall quality of life. iRest continues to be one of my favorite tools due to it’s myriad of benefits. It is a dream come true to be able to share this work with those I love and serve. And, above all, I feel deeply grateful for the ways in which it has enhanced my own life.

In conclusion, I dedicate this blogpost to my loving daughter, Laci.

When Laci was young, we nicknamed her dreamland girl. Enchanted by her imagination and the dreams in her heart. She noticed beauty, magic and wonder wherever she was. Never in a rush; totally absorbed in each moment. She was attuned to her senses and in touch with her feelings. Wearing her heart on her sleeve, she did not withhold the vastness of emotions that were hers, which ebbed and flowed like the tides of the ocean.

She is sixteen years old now. Different, and yet the same.

In recent years, Laci and I have navigated some difficult terrain. At times, I’ve felt let down and disappointed by unmet expectations, failed plans and unrealistic goals. We certainly don’t have things figured out, but we’ve learned a lot along our way. I try to be intentional in how and when I connect with Laci. Now, this is not easy to do with a teenager who has many other things on her mind besides her mom! However, I know her love languages, her core values and what makes her tick. So I look for opportunities to engage with her in these ways. Most of all, I look for moments to just be with her…

Some rather joyful moments have been in abundance lately. Particularly, our afternoon car rides. We roll down the windows and feel the sun on our skin as we sip on strawberry acai refreshers and turn up the tunes! Laci’s diverse and wonderful music taste, as well as her attentiveness as a new driver, make these moments extra heartwarming. Among a few other favorites include our late night chats, interacting with her friends, and listening to her sing… her soft, melodic voice always soothes my soul and brings me into the present moment.

However, it’s not all been rainbows and unicorns. We’ve had our fair share of mother-daughter mishaps. Like the stressful moments trying to find the perfect prom dress (as if there is ever such a thing); or the endless ask to clean her room (I cannot seem to let this one go); or, school mornings (need I say more)?! And then there are the endless moments of working through difficult emotional conflicts (which take a toll on everyone involved). Sigh…

Perhaps you can relate to some of these types of moments with your loved ones?

Recently, we had a bit of a scary moment. Late one night, Laci came into my room because she was in a lot of pain. For the next several hours, I did everything I could to console her and help her stay calm during a very difficult night. The next day she landed in the ER where she was given a diagnosis of appendicitis, followed by surgery. I watched how brave she was all throughout that day. How she thanked each doctor and nurse for helping to care for her. I was so proud of her strength and the way she noticed the little things, even in the midst of her own suffering. This event was followed by a week of bedrest at home, giving us time to be together.

A specific moment of growth, intimacy and connection is still resonating in my heart.

The ear is only a petal that grows from the heart. When we hear each other, it all becomes a garden.

Mark Nepo (poet & author)

Laci is one of my greatest teachers. She reminds me how to embrace the present moment, feel my emotions, follow my heart and believe in my dreams. As I try to help her mature into young womanhood and prepare for her future, she helps me remember to tend to the child within me. When she gets lost in dreamland, I am there guiding her back to reality. And when I get lost in the world of doing, she reminds me how to BE.

Together, we are creating a garden… a sanctuary where we both feel safe, secure, happy and free. It’s far from perfect, but it is ours.

A few weeks ago, she gifted me a simple bracelet that she made. Strung with white and pink beads and a musical note charm dangling from its center, I wear it every day. It serves as a reminder for me to enjoy the song and dance of life…to let myself BE. 

What are some moments you cherish lately? I would love to hear from you!

The Book of Awakening, Mark Nepo

iRest